It’s
nap time for the boys. As I watch my oldest, Freddy, jump up and down
in his crib, while Chris squirms a full circle in his own bed, my heart
fills joy. Joy I couldn’t imagine a year ago. Joy I should have felt
after Chris’s birth, but didn’t. I was heartbroken, angry, and jealous
of all the other pregnant women walking around with a healthy baby in
their belly. They would get to hold their baby after giving birth and
change the first diaper and breast or bottle feed while their baby
loving drank his or her first time. I didn’t get any of that with Chris,
so I became resentful. Especially resentful that God would do this to
an innocent baby. “He was safe inside me, why did you make him leave?” I
would ask everyday.
The
day, six weeks after his birth, when Chris came home from the hospital,
that resentment melted away. I still cried occasionally, to let out the
stress of those first 6 weeks, but I was sooooo grateful he made it
home a happy and healthy boy. I still cry every so often thinking back
on that time. Praying the other mothers I met, that their children made
it home too. I still can’t see or hear anything about a children’s
hospital, especially a NICU, without crying. As emotional as I am, I am a
thousand times humbled by Chris’s strength, determination, and love of
giggles and smiles. I have never encountered a more happy baby in my
life. It’s almost as if he knows he had it rough in the beginning and is
just happy to be alive.
Chris turned 1 year old today. While he still has some physical delays, he can't crawl yet, but at least he is getting help and seems to be picking it up quickly. Apparently, half of all preemies have delayed crawling. Other that that, he is a perfectly normal little boy. His favorite pass times are: being tickled, laughing or smiling at just about everything, getting tackled by his brother, watching his brother, baths, balloons, bubbles, and wooden hammers (as the physical therapist found out when she tried to take it away).
While Freddy is rambunctious, Chris is easy going; Freddy sleeps like a champ, Chris is the early bird; Freddy loves simple food like grilled cheese and grapes, Chris likes complex foods like guacamole and gazpacho. It's amazing how different they are, yet bring such equal joy to my life. Everyday I look at Chris and feel truly blessed to have him in my life. Happy Birthday to my sweet baby boy!
