The Birth

  
I was 31 weeks pregnant, exactly 2 months to the day of my due date. It was hot that day, very unusual for Chicago. The battery in the new mini van my husband and I purchased had died. As my husband, Michael, left for work he asked if I would be able to walk to Target to get a portable battery jumper. I looked at him and said it was too far for me. He said, “Ok, I’ll just stop by on my way home from work.”

That afternoon my 15 month old son, Freddy, was getting a little cranky so I decided I would try to walk him in the stroller to Target. Even though I had been in more pain than usual that day, I decided to try the walk. The heat didn’t bother me as I am from Maryland and used to hot/humid summers. Once we got into Target and the A/C hit me, the pain subsided. So, I bought the jumper and a few other things and headed back home. Once Freddy and I were home, we were both feeling a little better.

Then Michael came home that evening and I asked him to help out a bit more with putting Freddy down for the night as the pain had started up again and was more intense. Michael put Freddy down and I took a shower, hoping that would help me feel better. It didn’t. By 10pm that night the pain was more frequent and I thought if I just lied down in bed, it would subside. I was to see my new OBGYN in the morning (new, because I had just found out my health insurance didn’t cover the hospital my OBGYN would deliver at, so I had to switch hospitals, and therefore doctors) and would tell him of the pain I was having. By 11pm the pain was more frequent and at midnight I decided to time contractions. I noticed they were 5 minutes apart, so I woke Michael up and told him I needed an ambulance.

I really believed it was just a complication and I would be put on bed rest, so did Michael. So, I told him to stay at home with Freddy and I would call him if I needed him. When I got to the hospital, they examined me and told me I was 5 centimeters dilated and that I would have the baby that night.

I started to cry, but then the pain took over and all the tears were forgotten. They informed me that I couldn’t have anything for the pain, except an epidural, as anything else would affect the baby. Since the baby is premature they can’t risk anything that might affect him. I said, “Yes, give me an epidural.” All I cared about was making the pain go away. Since I had never been to that hospital before they had to take blood and test it to see if I was cleared for an epidural. So, about 45 minutes later they told me I was ok to have the epidural. They then checked to see how dilated I was, 10 centimeters. No epidural. Baby was coming now.

So, I pushed even though I was so very tired and my husband and child were at home. I only had the nurses, a doctor and midwife to help me through this. Lying to me by telling me if I pushed I would feel better, it would help with the pain...it didn’t. Finally, at 2:56 am Christopher was born. He entered the world crying and peeing all over himself.

This birth was completely different than the birth of my first son. Obviously, my first wasn’t a preemie and I had my husband at my side. What I mean is I didn’t emotionally feel the same. When Freddy was born I cried because I loved him so much and couldn’t take my eyes off him. When Christopher was born I was more relieved than in love. I heard him cry so I knew he was alive. I was so exhausted and wanted something for the pain, so I wasn’t as focused on Christopher as I was on Freddy. I think I was still in shock. Even though it was 3 in the morning, I had just given birth without medication and I hadn’t slept since the previous night, I couldn’t sleep. All the nurses kept telling me to get some rest, but I just couldn’t.

After a few hours, when I could finally get up and move around a bit, I was able to go to the nursery to see my son. He was 4lbs 7oz. His skin was red and slightly translucent. His chest a bit concave. He had tubes and wires everywhere and I wondered if I would ever be able to hold him. For a 31 week preemie he was big, but to me he was so tiny and fragile. I put all my thought, energy and prayer into asking God to please let him not be in pain and live.